Fresh Starts and Money Dilemmas

Last Sunday was my birthday.  I guess I am now in the category of ‘mid-twenties’ – or simply ‘old enough to know better’.

Today’s task is to get my car through its MOT.  Today’s mission is to pay for it.  I am so happy with what I do as a career but I am also sick of worrying about money!  Gig-wise, it’s either feast or famine.  I’m either driving myself crazy trying to fit everything in or freaking out as I see the empty pages of my diary looming – right before rent goes out.

It all seems to be averaging out though, I guess the feasts get me through the other times.  But I feel like my bank balance is just ambling along – a certain amount into my overdraft.  I have to ask myself, will I ever make a profit?  Will I ever get out of debt?  Should I have gone to Dubai when I had the chance?  Will I ever have a savings account with more than 75p?  Yes that’s the actual amount I have saved for you know, emergencies such as car repairs and MOTs.

So what do I do?  Keep plodding along with the belief that somehow it’ll all turn out fine?  Or do I get a real job with a real salary and the possibility of disposable income?

There are pros and cons to each possibility of course.  I have so much freedom now to organise myself and my schedule that it wouldn’t be the same without that flexibility.  I am meeting new people all the time and every week is different.  Plus, if work isn’t coming all that easily or frequently, there is always more I can do to put myself out there.  

Freelancing is the kind of job where, at the end of the day you can never say ‘I’m finished!’  … more often than not what I’m thinking at the end of the day is ‘Have I done enough?  What more should I have done?  What do I need to do tomorrow?’  There isn’t the work/home distinction that comes with a more corporate job.

But, all in all, when I’m actually doing the gigs – orchestras and shows in particular, that’s when I think yes, this is my place, this is what I’m meant to do.  I guess it’s just the in between times when worries set in – and the only way to diminish them is to do more in terms of self-publicity and pushing for those all important gigs.

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One thought on “Fresh Starts and Money Dilemmas

  1. You are facing the same dilemma as every other free-lancer I know. And when you are your boss, it’s very hard to ever feel like you’ve done enough. Having your car go belly-up didn’t help, I’m sure! I hope you can continue to listen to your heart and not to your bank statement, and keep following your dream. I’m rooting for you!

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